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BOOK REVIEW: "I Don't Want To Die Poor": Essays by Michael Arceneaux

BOOK REVIEW: "I Don't Want To Die Poor": Essays by Michael Arceneaux

There is an obsession with attaining wealth among young Black men, especially post-college. It’s what makes it so easy for guys in their early-20’s to get involved in pyramid schemes. And of those that I know, they often try to drag me into it. But, no, I don’t want coaching on how to ‘build wealth’. No, I don’t want to meet your ‘mentor’. No, I’m not trying to ‘turn my $20 into $200’. No, I don’t want to hear about the ‘group of professionals’ who want to build a community of ‘like minded individuals’. These thoughts are aided by Black men in their 30’s, spouting off in the barbershop about building generation wealth and having ‘multiple sources of income’. These same men are often allegedly ‘self-employed’, and at one point or another will tell you that college is a scam. And while I wholeheartedly disagree with most of their points – the need to constantly think about making money and attaining wealth all goes back to this not so little system called capitalism (unfortunately, Black capitalism does nothing for Black people).

Rather than continue this trend of ‘self-help’ books like Rich Dad, Poor Dad, Think and Grow Rich, or anything on the bookshelf of your local fledgling ‘entrepreneur’, Michael Arceneaux tackles the topic of wealth in an alternative manner – by discussing his debt. He’s not offering solutions, but providing an unfiltered look into how one of this nation’s biggest issues — college loans, has impacted every aspect of his life. I’m sure every college student, who wasn’t blessed with a full-ride, can remember the many conversations that they’ve had to have with people about the looming debt of attending college for 4 years. The incessant reminders that, yes, a few months after you step across that stage Sallie Mae will come knocking at your door. And as a recent college grad, none of it was helpful.

Like Arceneaux, many of us have had it embedded in us that those 4-years are needed to achieve something greater. And I doubt that any of us , if we could go back in time, would pass on the life-changing experiences we had during that time. However, the pain of student loan debt weighs heavy on many of us — 44.7 million to be exact. His frustration with the incessant calls from collectors, and fear of defaulting is completely relatable. What makes I Don’t Want To Die Poor so fresh, is that the stories of those struggling with student loan debt are often jumbled together, while tales of those who are wealthy enough to escape it are touted as ‘totally doable if you just make these changes to your life’. As Arceneaux points out, most of us don’t have high-earning jobs to knock out this debt in a year or two, nor do we want to live completely devoid of any forms of pleasure to ‘prioritize are spending’.

If you purchased a copy of Michael Arceneaux hilarious first book, I Can’t Date Jesus, you can predict what will lie in the pages of whatever you’re reading by him. And I Don’t Want To Die Poor doesn’t disappoint. Readers can always count on him to provide a laugh, often spurred by a musical reference in relations to a tale of a date/hook-up (“Never Have I Ever”) or conversation with friends (“Cognac and Celexa”), or even a few tears when he discusses his relationship with his mother or father (get your 2-ply ready for “Mama’s Boy”). But what came as a shock, was that this collection of essays dove even deeper that expected.

“This Is A Story About Control” delves into his struggle with food and purging. Discussions around body image in the black queer community often leave much to be desired, but Arceneaux is not afraid to venture where few are willing to go.

Unbeknownst to them, I never needed anyone else’s assistance to feel bad about my body. I saw the other boys in class. The ones I had crushes on that I couldn’t reveal. I saw the men in magazines, on television shows, and wherever fit men gleamed. I knew I didn’t look like any of them. I understood being 180 pounds in the seventh grade was not ideal. Nor were the man boobs forming on my chest around the same time as the girls around me were maturing.

Stories like these flawlessly blend discussions of his body, sexuality, the effects of trauma living in a home with a verbally abusive father, which all led to eating becoming a coping habit to deal with his perceived failure and financial issues.

Whenever I feel not in control, especially when it comes to money, I panic. I overanalyze. I over-criticize myself. I sink into a state of mind that coerces me into questioning everything about myself. The purging was no longer about my weight, but about the desire to feel as if I was in control of some aspect of my life.

The honest storytelling of I Don’t Want To Die Poor, evokes the feeling of a conversation with a friend. It’s witty, at times slightly raunchy, but in its entirety – the unabashed experiences of a man who, though in debt like 44.7 million of us (and counting), just wants to live.


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